natural

i know it's going to be you. familiarity of something i never had, something i crumble on the floor praying to god for just to get a taste of it. it has to be you, or i won't forgive myself. forgive me for sounding egoistical or selfish here, but i truly feel if i lose you somehow in the future, i'll never forgive myself for it. you're an experience no one could ever recreate or make, it was natural. everything that has happened between us, it's nothing that could be forced. it feels right, it feels right to have you in my arms and how i feel satisfied like the last of two pieces of puzzles that fits with each other. i'm still losing myself and even more overtime, but you're a reminder of a gentle calm after episodes of storm. the soft, quiet moment when everything feels just a little bit more real for my disconnected body to recognize, something my soul recollect right before my mind ever could. like; oh, hello, it’s you. it was always going to be you. and underneath your palm against mine, i become something softer, something weightless, like poetry written in a language only we understand, a strange feeling of what i wanted but feel like i don't deserve to have. it contradicts everything, the world feels gentler when you say my name, and i wonder if you know how it lingers in my mouth, aching like a secret i never want to part with. but even when i fade into the background of my own life, even when i don’t feel real enough to exist, i am still conscious of you. of the way your laughter and sweet smile folds into the quiet, of the way your touch makes the air around us feel sacred. pure. and if i were to lose you, if time or fate or some cruel twist of life ever pulls us apart, i know i would search for you in every face, every passing moment, every half-remembered dream. because nothing has ever felt more certain to me than this -- you, here, now.