v. nothing but guilt

i try and try to make you cry, to shake loose the love we drowned, 

oh, i would say yes,

i would say yes,

to every reckless plea,

and desperate moment.

running for the need to be the best,

before i even learned how to rest,  

clinging to what once was, 

and that my wait is you,  

my wait is you, over and over,  

following me on every sleepless night.

oh, i would say yes,

to the chaos, to the shared laughter,

that built our fragile world;  

but now, as you fade away alive,  

i shot myself five times,

and lying dead in the ruins of us.

see, i miss you, god, i miss you too much,

yet fuck you for every word that shattered us to five pieces and more,

fuck you for putting out the youthful souls and carefree promises,

fuck you for five smiles that turned to cold betrayal,

oh, i would say yes,

that i want you to choke on your guilt,  

to feel it burning in your throat,  

a relentless, suffocating ache  

that drowns in the memory of us,

let that guilt twist and tighten the airway, 

so every breath you take is a reminder  

of the laughter you carelessly silenced,

an unyielding weight that fills your every moment,  

until nothing remains but the bitter taste  

of what we lost in our own making.

oh, i would say yes to a reckoning,  

to the pain that forces to shine the truth from hidden shadows,  

to the haunting echo of every “yes” we ever whispered,

fuck you, and as you drown in your remorse,  

i hope you choke on your guilt and get jealous of my resilience five million times over,

until every shattered dream, 

every stolen joy,  

is consumed by the bitter fire

of regret you can never escape.

never. ever.