polaroid in evidence

under the city lights

and drunks screaming “happy new year”,

all i could think about 

is how sorry i am,

4 missed calls and draft in hand

and the other hand, trying to place some words together

but all i could think about is how sorry i am,

now i vomited all over your phone,

is that not enough?

covered by all of the noise

and lights and cigarette smoke

still holding my phone and tears back

because all i could think about is how sorry i am,

am i still not enough?

repetitive apologies and cries for help,

texts by texts and calls rejected,

now i'm five drinks in, still thinking about how sorry i am,

what exactly makes me deserve the wrongdoings?

cruel is what you are.

and i can't blame you for hating me now,

but you once held me like no one else did,

and i tried to be good, am i no good?

do i deserve all of this, still?

---

jan 1st ‘25

p.s: to the cruelest person ever, i hope you choke on your guilt.