only one

i wasn't the only one

i knew it, yet i let it consume me

consume me, choking me 

the air got stuck in my throat

the words got stitched in my mouth

i hold it like there's no other time

would rather have something than nothing

i saw you laughing, talking, and singing in front of me

but you're too far to reach

go tell her, confession, confession

confession leads me to a loophole

i did it once 

your face lit up as you heard "i liked you too."

and euphoria filled my lungs as you hold my hand lovingly

it filled my lungs, and i can't breathe

i can't breathe when i'm around you

and what a dumb choice i made to stay holding my breath

stay here

holding every memory of us that you won't reminisce about 

you're important to me, you said

you called me once at 3 pm asking my whereabouts

i called you twice at one a.m. needing you

and where were you?

and here you are

the summer heat blinds my eyes with the smell of your cigarettes

i sat next to you, doubled over in confusion

i was important whenever you decided that i am

and i let you have hold of my soul 

choked in the palm of your hand

 

you hold my hand again

untethered, as a friend, soft, loving smile

and there you decide it was a good thing to do

i was important, i was loved

i was the only one

we're back again in august

i sat facing you, still doubled over in confusion

you hold her hand as you look at me

and there i decided it was a good time to fall again

i wasn't the only one

aug 7th ‘23