96, then 05, end it with 07

i witnessed him crash and burn. i wanted to help, but he didn't notice the fire. well, he does, i think he just doesn't care. i don't really understand, but maybe that's just how he is. then so it seems that he lights up a fire into another boy, and as time goes on, there was a moment where i saw both of them crash and burn, yet i can't do anything to help. i witnessed everything. i hate everything about it, but i can't close my eyes or turn away. every second of their skin bubbling up from the heat and their silent scream of “help me!” and i was there. i witnessed it with my pink rabbit plushie in hand, crying and running to my mother, asking her to help them from burning, only to realize she's the one holding the lighter. i felt my consciousness develop exactly at that night; that shocking feeling as if you were hit by a car, but forced to walk it off. i clutched my plushie even tighter, still asking for her to shut the fire off and use the lighter for goods instead, such as fireplaces and smoking, she doesn't answer. and as time goes on, i'm still asking her to shut the fire off, through texts, calls, whispers, and prayers, everything that a child could've thought about, and she's still not answering. it's not that she doesn't want to say yes and help them, but as time goes on and sweet seventeen has passed for the three of us, i finally come to my own understanding that her own fire is way too big that it'll be hazardous for them to be too close to her. now, she can't answer me, as her fire also died. not knowing what to do, i did try to reach for both of them as that's what felt right, my hands shaking as my fingertips started to get closer, only to realize that i'm also burning the entire time. the entire time i was asking for help in the name of both of them, i was also burning until there was nothing left but hideous flesh and bones. and as time goes on, i don't think i got many options left, so i'm sitting besides both of them, each of us witnessed each other's skin bubbling up from the heat that's unfortunately can't be turned off, and holding each other's hand, silently screaming for someone, anyone, to help us turn it off, knowing it can't. knowing it won't. knowing that it's our life and it'll go on until our last remaining breath.

dec 14th ‘24