words words words, words?

the words that i've said

whether it's warnings, advices, compliments

or reassuring, comforting simple words

a nanosecond after i utter those words

i feel like i should be the one who hears it rather than say it 

and please put a bold highlight on the word 'advices'.

because dear god,

why am i being such a hypocrite?

not just hypocrite in a way where i do a wrong thing and tell someone that it's bad to do it,

like saying “hey, please don't stay up too late, take care of yourself, yeah?”

when i can drink countless cans of green sands and stay up until my eyebags darken

the words that i've said,

and probably continue on saying so,

like saying, "it's totally not your fault that you broke the glasses, if you don't have any money to buy another one, just use a super glue to keep it together"

into saying, "it's totally not your fault that you make unintentional mistakes, you grow up in an environment that makes you think you're always the reason of said mistakes because they think you're a soft pillow that needs to be stuffed with the blames, but that doesn't mean that you should think that way. fear not, you're worth more than to be defined as a slip of a pillow, and it would be wonderful if you don't take other people's words to define you, but define yourself or not at all."

and i am a hypocrite for saying that.

i try to believe the beautifully putted sentences i've wrote or spoken is right

that it's true and that life is heavenly and there's lot of joyful things coming

but it never happened to me

nor it's going to happen anytime soon

so i came to the conclusion of that it's harsh and fucked up

be as stoic as i can get

but i have this understanding that life isn't like that for hopeful teenagers around me

they have sparks of hope that keep them on fighting for their life and their eventual success

though my ideology doesn't really line up with them

i am human enough to say the words that i don't believe that much to keep them going

but the words that i've said

couldn't be written or spoken any better

feb 3rd ‘23