“do you not resent me at all, vi?”

problem with me is ‘no’ seems like not an answer

‘no’, in it's own form alone, seems unreal

“i tried to,

... you're annoying,

... not sugarcoating it, but ...

... i think of giving up.”

not once have i thought about it before,

or how you would ever do something that made me feel like that,

it's not your job nor duty to reach back,

but you were my home and i'm homesick;

and it's too late to go home now i'm robbed out of it.

“... i don't know what to do,

... closure? explanation? or to let it be?”

as if i need you to do that,

as if i need you to be anything more

than my best friend.

am i just stuck on what was,

being an ungrateful little prick,

unable to accept on change and grow as how one does,

when you're adjusting to a lively, brand new life,

as i feel i'm the only one putting on effort,

to catch the call once time isn't in the question?

“... are you okay?

are you eating well?

how are your friends,

getting by?”

stuck on the roof of my mouth

while i let amphetamine melts under my tongue

it was begging to be let out

and now i'm vomiting all over your cellphone

“...needed that,

kick in the gut,

punch in the face,

...to act like nothing happened,”

we're way past that,

line isn't something we'll cross when there's none,

nothing could make me resent you,

nothing but a 4 weeks of talking to a wall.

15th sept ‘24

p.s you can never make me hate you, my yellow. made this while still waiting for a text back, unfortunately. the irony, right? also, please stay safe and healthy. talk soon <3